Testimony Thursday with Hannah

Hannah Rachel Price...

 

I was saved at a very young age. And although I don’t remember the exact day or time, I do remember asking God to save me because I was petrified, (and rightly so) at the thought of going to hell.  In fact I didn’t even really consider my sins until years later and when I did, believe me when I say that all I could do was cry to God begging for forgiveness and thanking Him for His unfailing grace.

But Satan definitely stayed busy with me! Even though I looked like the ideal homeschooled Christian girl, there was no depth in my Christian life.

Then when I was thirteen something happened in our church that shook us all and caused a huge split.

         

 

   When it happened I struggled with pain, hurt and anger. I quietly told myself that if this was the way so-called ‘Christians’ were going to act, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be one. I lost my desire for the things of God. I became moody and selfish abandoning the sweet childhood desire for being a wife and mother wanting to instead become a ‘women of the world’; even dreaming of becoming a Hollywood celebrity, (O.K. so I dreamed big! =) ). I began to think of my parents rules as a bondage and couldn’t wait till I was 18 and could be ‘free’ to ‘follow my heart’.

But you know even with all my big dreams, the life I planned still seemed ‘empty’. I never doubted that God was real; I just sort of took Him out of the picture, (which doesn’t work, by the way) and that made my life miserable.

 

                                    

 

Even though I NEVER said any of these things out loud, my mom still noticed I was struggling. So many times she would talk to me, crying, saying “Hannah I can see you’re struggling; you’re on the fence, trying to decide what direction you want to go; the way of the world or the way of God. You’re dad and I can’t make you choose which way, but we want you to desire the things of God sooooo badly! Just know we are praying for you!”

Well, of course then the battle within me got stronger because I sincerely didn’t want to hurt my parents.

Very slowly, (this thing doesn’t happen overnight =)) I could sense the Lord working on my heart and I know it’s only because of the many people that were praying for me; prayer is such a strong thing!!

Finally, when I was so sick and tired of being stuck in the mire, I cried out to God saying, “Lord, help me! I’m tired of trying to run away from you! God I want You!! I need You!!”  Even though I felt a peace come over me I knew there was something still there between me and God. I prayed asking Him to show me what it was and He did. He showed me there was someone in particular that I was unwilling to forgive. I had been harboring this anger for years and He was telling me to let it go. But I was still unwilling.

 

 

Then in July of 2012, when I was preparing to go on a missions trip to Mexico, I was going through our team devotions when I came across a part where our Pastor wrote that before we went on this trip, he wanted us to be sure there wasn’t something between us and God; that way we could fully experience His blessings on this trip. Well, guess what came to mind? So with Matt. 6:14-15 in my mind I again cried out to God (I know. I’ve done a lot of crying in my life), begging Him to forgive me for my unwillingness to forgive. Then I asked Him to help me; I was and still am unable to forgive without Him. When I finished, (I prayed for a while believe me!), this indescribable peace flooded my soul as I realized for the first time in 4 years I was finally FREE!!!!!!  My heart was clear before God. And when we were on the missions trip I re-surrendered my life to the Lord and His service. When I was little, I had a desire to be a missionary to a foreign land and though this desire has returned now after a few years, I know that it might not be God’s will entirely; so I pray that I would be open for whatever he has planned for me!

Thank God for His unending grace! And thank goodness He doesn’t give up on us when we’re stubborn!! =)

In Him, Hannah